Suresh Dinakaran's Blog

The quintessential temptation is to be all things to all people. Avoid being the contrarian or being adversarial and just find refuge in going with the flow. Find the sweet spot of being generous and revel in it.

That said, what are the guard rails in life that we are putting up? When to be what? Kind and generous or inward and for oneself ? There is no one approach which is either or. Both function in tandem. Sometimes the calling is to be kind and generous and you are showing up and shipping out your work or art or contribution, while at other times you are refilling your own cup so that you have the gas to continue. It’s a happy collision, a healthy mix of being caring and giving and being selfish. Sometimes you are pouring for others while at other times you are filling your own cup.

Sometimes you just need to be selfish and take care of you. If they care for you, they will understand.

“Selfishness is neither good nor bad – it depends on the way we are selfish as to whether it nourishes or injures.”- Hugh Prather

To be successful you have to be selfish, or else you never achieve. And once you get to your highest level, then you have to be unselfish. Stay reachable. Stay in touch. Don’t isolate- Michael Jordan

PS:UnMarketing happens when you stop marketing and start engaging. When you focus on building trust and connection, so when your market needs your product or service, you are the logical choice. Watch the video here.. In this age of UNMarketing, do you have an UNagency?  

Beating the trodden path is the default. Attribute it to established practice, the culture fit, our own inertia, all combine surreptitiously to ensure the path most chosen is the path most trodden. The rallying cry ” we have always done in that way “, helps in no measure.

That being said, there’s more than one way to reach your goal. The most obvious path is often the most crowded path—of high enrollment and low possibility– and therefore the most difficult. It’s indeed a very overcrowded space, fueled in large doses by what we call the ‘ herd mentality ‘ and the supposed ‘ wisdom of the crowds ‘. Red Ocean territory. Needless to say, the competition in this concourse is the highest. More on enrollment and possibility in a different blog post here.

It is easier to go where there already is a path forged. But the most rewarding trails are the ones we make for ourselves. The road less travelled. Those are ones we can leave behind for others to follow. It also means we find new places few others haven’t gone before.

Our comfort zones are the domicile where our dreams travel to gather dust. As you take your plunge and that overdue leap of faith, you need to let go of the trapeze and trust that you will find your wings on the way down or find an handle to hang onto. The typical playbook will never encourage to disrupt the status quo. Put that playbook into the bonfire.

So next time you’re facing a crowded path to your goal, step back and ask yourself, “How else can I get there?” Create the paths you want to walk on. You might just discover a journey that’s not only less crowded but also far more fulfilling.

Ready for the ride?

Don’t mind the contradiction- in a world where we are oversold the value of more and undersold the value of less, its time to stop missing the wood for the trees and soak in the abundance of less.

A syndrome fanned by our reluctance to look up from our ledger of lack as we seek perennial validation in this Republic of Not Enough. If perfect (in lieu of being content) is the default expectation dancing in our heads all the time, it is an unattainable destination that is rarely reached taking us down the rabbit hole of wanting  more  in comparison to someone else, as what you are whining about is that you never have enough.

Be that it may be in the form of more likes or shares on your post, the more’ connections’ you have virtually, the more material possessions we have, the more commitments we take on..all dictated by a flawed mechanism that signals more would mean and translate to happiness, importance, popularity, richness etc..alas, how wrong we are!

Reality is that the more we are sold, isn’t delivering the more we want.

Possessions and material things don’t equate to happiness. Deeper, meaningful relationships aren’t built on likes, shares or comments. Importance and popularity aren’t found in an hectic schedule and an overflowing inbox.

The only road that leads to the ‘more that matters’ is ‘less’. What we can define as Essentialism. Less but better. Separating the trivial many from the vital few. Lesser things but more experiences. Fewer shares but deeper and more meaningful conversations. Less busyness but more purpose.

“No ego can last for long without the need for more. Therefore, wanting keeps the ego alive much more than having. The ego wants to want more than it wants to have. And so the shallow satisfaction of having is always replaced by more wanting.”

To quote Holly Black from The Cruel Prince, “Desire is an odd thing. As soon as it’s sated, it transmutes. If we receive golden thread, we desire the golden needle.”

If you are in any big city, you will see scores of people hurrying to their respective places of work, getting onto the commute bandwagon in the morning, beating the blues to get to where they need to. On time.

The same applies to a creative person at work, hurrying so that she can deliver the project on time to the client. The state of mind at that time is to ignore all distractions and possibly do some deep work so that deadlines are respected. Alternatively, if the deadline is not sacrosanct, the state of mind is far at ease(probably bringing in avoidable procrastination into play).

The situation is no different at airports. You are either reaching early and battling dwell time to kill the extra hours or minutes that you have or you are in a frenzy and stressed enough to make it your gate and board on time.

Hurry and stress seem to be co related. They need not be. Rather than see hurry as a dependency, as a crutch, as an excuse, the lens to wear can be to look at hurry as an asset. To unearth the best version of ourselves, to deliver the art that we are capable of and for bringing the version of ourselves to the fore. To fulfill on promises made. Use hurry to take that leap, sidelining the distractions that dominate our lives. Hurry has the power to be an ally, an asset, an ammunition. Switch that power on or off based on your need.

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.

If you are like me and given a few exams or tests, you would have encountered the popular multiple choice questions where the question is followed by a choice of potential correct answers. To make it a little dodgy for the test or exam takers, there is also a choice given ‘ none of the above ‘.

I think None of the Above gets us thinking about how we “other” people in our lives and how society teaches us to turn away from the unfamiliar.

Probably the choice is easier. Rather than stand for something and back it, you take the route of being against because that is the easier choice. None of the above absolves you of responsibility in a way because there is something on offer without being on offer if you know what I mean.

So, life’s exams will throw up ” None of the Above ” or even ” All of the Above ” as choices- that said, it is up to us to direct our responsibility in the direction we need to.

IQ and EQ have been part of the nomenclature for aeons now. And EQ over the past few decades have won pride of place in our scheme of things and is considered the bedrock for sound and progressive leadership. That said, the Covid-19 threw up a new necessity since a lot of organisations and individuals were caught like a deer in the headlights. And that was the crying need for adaptability. AQ(Adaptability Quotient) is certainly the new kid on the block.

Kids have the greatest sense of agility and adaptability. They can go from petulant and sad to happy and effervescent and switch contexts in an instant. As we grow older(and mature?), adults struggle with this. As we grow older, our ability to reconcile and thrive in a new situation or context diminishes. The law of diminishing marginal returns begin to apply. That is because we have not made such effort to change the default. The good thing is that with deliberate practice, we can change the muscle memory setting and enhance our adaptability quotient.

The same applies to organisations too. In an always on, dynamic and unpredictable zeitgeist, where the next new normal is being continuously disrupted, organisations that have agility and adpatability as its prized assets, are the ones likely to survive and thrive.

I remember when I was growing up and the reluctant cricketer in me and the generosity of my elder brother were always at loggerheads. He wanted my bat and pad to be close together while I remained happy with doing what I always did, inspite of the fact that it closed the door to newer, better, correct options.

I suspect status quo is the domicile of comfort. Playing safe. Of being deliberately in a state of impasse when change is resisted. When it is looked at with suspicion. As they say, when your fist is in a tight clench, little do you realise what is slipping through your fingers. And mind you, a lot is. When a toddler is crawling, it is only a natural preamble to her walking- she has no intent to remain in crawling mode forever.

We hang onto the coat tails of what was. At the cost of exploring what could be. We are afraid that whatever we have gained or whatever we have accomplished could be lost should we tread a new path. Our status, the connections we have made and the competence we have earned, though interim, is cherished and therefore protected with all vigor and rigidity. And we shut shop. Letting go becomes difficult.

Emotional enrollment is the bedrock of learning. That is what mentors, coaches, leaders are looking for when in the quest to moving the needle from ” what got you here, won’t get you there ‘. “Ignore sunk costs” is the critical lesson of useful decision making. More on this in an earlier blog post here.

Better will remain a slippery slope should the idea be to rever the status quo. We will find a thousand ways to maintain the narrative of security, entitlement or culture( people like us do things like this).

The ebbs and flows in our lives can be better managed. Are you defending sunk costs, sticking with projects simply because that’s easier( remember that domicile of comfort called the status quo) than leaving them behind? Which flows could be improved with focus and effort?

The decisions we make today( read probably hard choices) can lead to better outcomes later. The present(today) is a present(gift) and real but we still spend most of our lives living in later.

The other evening around 9.05 pm I get a call from an over enthusiastic sales person of an AI in Marketing company. No preamble, no polite enquiries but cutting to the chase with a sense of entitlement that cried out aloud ” that I am obliged to take his call, irrespective of the time, the context or what have you “. That is not it. When I asked him that is this a time to be making a sales call and how disappointed I am at being subjected to this unwanted intrusion, he had the audacity to tell me that it is company policy and it is NOT his responsibility to check on primary courtesies. Even when I reassured him that I will never do business with his company, he kept on saying that he is ‘doing his job ‘.

This is a classic template of the mindset of most(there are some exceptions fortunately) corporate customer acquisition | service personnel where they love doing either or ideally both of the below:-

– If at all possible, evade responsibility

– When you can, get it over with

So, when things go wrong and you want a response, it normally is this refrain ” It’s out of our control “.

There’s a flip side to this which is a far better alternative. Think of what you ‘could have ‘ done under the circumstances. Instead of hanging on to the coat tails of minimum legal and compliance, run away from the responsibility and under deliver and disappoint the customer( and lose her forever), explore what the maximum you can do to understand, empathise and resolve the customer’s problem. Like owning up and saying, we could have done better. We could have informed you and given a true update on the ground situation instead of hiding behind the customary ” there was a technical glitch “, ” it’s another department that is responsible ” etc etc.

So the next time you say ” let me escalate this to my manager “, actually do it, send good advice upstream, follow up and offer the customer perspective to find a solution and not follow the call centre script(designed to ensure customer problems are not resolved).

It is simple- organisations who win the race are the ones who are going way beyond the minimum( read this example of what happened with the Titanic to understand the gravity of what can go wrong when you opt for the safe and minimum), the ones that figure out that they could do it.

What could you do?

Tension is what keeps the plot moving forward. The old Hollywood paradigm of ” set-up, conflict & resolution “. Once the characters get a chance to connect, most of the tension disappears.

Our love affair with the status quo is overwhelming. Ever since meetings became part of business| corporate life, the power dynamics and the hierarchy determined where the head ( person with the most power) would sit, The HIPPO’s( Highest Paid Person’s Opinion) voice has remained the loudest with not much opportunity for the lesser franchised to express their opinion and not much leeway for either new information or new way of thinking to seep in. So much water has flown under the bridge but things remain the same to this day.

Things are not much different with political debates, town halls, fireside chats etc. We have microphones, broadcast TV, social media and live streaming now but the organisers are yet to figure out that they can out a cap on the amount of time allotted for each individual ( or switch off the microphone) and the most boisterous, the obnoxious, the loudest still get away without too much heed for real data and ground reality.

High school and university graduations are no different. You can date back 75 years or more and recognise the same old, same old, rinsed and repeated time and time again. Old wine in old bottle. If thought through well and if the shackles of status quo are to be shrugged off, these occasions can become truly memorable and inspiring moments, but alas, it is not to be. The more things are supposed to change, the more they remain the same.

Weddings and funerals are community events that have hung into the coat tails of the status quo fastidiously- yes, the scale, especially that of weddings- would have changed, but not much else.

Considering that email replaced good old snail mail and had the potential to bring in incredible engagement, not much has changed since we started using it first almost four and a half decades earlier.

Why this obsession with running hard to stand at the same place? Is it herd mentality? Is it wisdom of the crowds? Birds of the same feather flock together? The comfort in being in a SOS( Sea of Sameness)? The inability to get new thinking on board and bridge the chasm? The fear of losing out on well entrenched connections? 

Time to introspect on why we are sticking to something- is it because it works or because we have always done it that way? I suspect, with much regret,it is the latter!

The definition going around is that CAPTCHA helps protect you from spam and password decryption by asking you to complete a simple test that proves you are human and not a computer trying to break into a password protected account.

Almost 40 minutes of my time earlier today was on my bank’s online banking site trying to create a new user name and password( because I had forgotten them- vagaries of old age) and at the end of it I was harshly shunted out saying that I exceeded the number of attempts for the day to write the captcha code shown on the screen. How remiss (human) of me!

Methinks that the idea behind the captcha code is to make things so convoluted and difficult, that you will never get it right in the first few attempts. And it gets some sadistic pleasure at you having failed multiple times. I know there is an audio option as well(other than the image captcha) but who wants the person on the next table hear the emotionless cacophony emanating from a robotic voice.

I’m sure that the team who worked on creating a secure platform for whatever(including the transfer of billions of dollars of transactions) was proud of the hard work they did. As to how hard they made things for the user. So much for user experience. It’s incredibly impersonal.

No, I am not suggesting that you change the access process  to typing in ” the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”, but make things that you look forward to doing. Like type in the 5 words that make you happy- fun, comedy, laughter, jokes, friends- make it memorable and engaging rather than have a graphical juggernaut that is designed to fail and discourage you. I am not even going into situations where 0 reads like O or vice versa or 1 reads like I. I understand it is a binary world and o and 1 have to be put in their place. I mean literally only.

The same system that is testing whether you are human is completely oblivious of the fact that humanity and technical issues can overlap. To everyone’s benefit.

If the busy but blindered tech guys love throwing curve balls at you, imagine the plight of the differently abled who feel all at sea as they get completely shunted aside by someone deciding for them what is important. First suspect, then with great difficulty, contemplate to respect, albeit condescendingly.

A captcha that doesn’t work, machine learning that claims to but never learns and systems that doesn’t help the people who need them. Technology that is unhelpful, is still very much part of our zeitgeist, unfortunately.

Homework: try reading and filling in the label that is stuck in a remote hard to read and access portion at the bottom of your microwave oven to apply for your warranty online…